What exactly is the role of a family mediator?

Think of a mediator as a facilitator of constructive conversation, rather than a judge or a legal adviser. Their job is to guide the process, manage the environment, and help you and your ex-partner reach your own decisions.

To do this, they help you identify core issues, explore needs and interests, and develop and evaluate a range of options. They remain neutral and will draft a summary of your decisions (that can later form the basis of a legally binding agreement or consent order).

A mediator will not give advice, make decisions for you, or decide who is ‘right’.

Why should we mediate?

Mediation puts you back in control of your future. It saves you the emotional and financial toll of a courtroom battle or the seemingly endless, emotionally triggering, and costly back-and-forth exchange of lawyers’ letters.

Whether you are dividing relationship property or sorting out parenting arrangements, legal processes in New Zealand are notoriously slow, adversarial, and expensive.

By prioritising, as early as possible, constructive dialogue over the taking of adversarial positions, mediation can deliver practical results in a fraction of the time for a fraction of the cost.  It protects your children from ongoing conflict and preserves workable communication for the future.

Is mediation compulsory?

Yes, in the context of parenting arrangements, the Family Court generally requires parties to have tried mediation (called Family Dispute Resolution - FDR) before making an application for a parenting order. There are some exceptions to this set out in section 46E of the Care of Children Act 2004.

Mediation of relationship property matters is not compulsory, although the Family Court often expects or encourages parties to try alternative dispute resolution before proceeding to a hearing.

Can we deal with parenting arrangements and relationship property at the same time?

Yes, in fact looking at both together is often the most practical way to move forward. Parenting and property are rarely separate in real life. For example, who keeps the former joint residence may directly impact both where the children will live, and what kind of day-to-day care arrangements may work. Managing both in parallel allows you to build a comprehensive, cohesive settlement where the financial and practical pieces lock together perfectly.

Many clients prefer to secure the children’s routine and get a stable parenting plan in place first to give some immediate certainty. Once that baseline is settled, we pivot to compiling financial disclosures and dividing assets. Alternatively, clients may choose to sort the financial division first so that they each know exactly what resources they have to set up two separate households before mapping out the children's schedules.

Will I have to sit in the same room as my ex-partner?

Sitting together in a joint session can have major benefits, such as fostering direct communication, clearing up misunderstandings faster, and helping you practise co-parenting dialogue. However, this will not always be possible or appropriate.

I offer flexible alternative formats to ensure you can safely and comfortably resolve matters:

  • shuttle mediation: clients remain in completely separate rooms (or separate virtual spaces) with the mediator moving between the rooms to convey proposals, ideas, and feedback.

  • online mediation: the entire process can be conducted via secure video conferencing (such as Zoom).

  • a hybrid approach: we can adapt the structure as we go.

During your individual intake meetings, we will discuss your specific situation and what might be an appropriate format in view of any safety or emotional concerns.

 

What goes into a parenting agreement?

Like everything else in mediation, you and your ex-partner remain in control of what goes into your parenting agreement. Some clients come to mediation to resolve one or two narrow issues, others want a comprehensive agreement. Parenting agreements often cover the following:

  • day-to-day care and living arrangements, including handovers and transport

  • holidays and special occasions

  • choice of school

  • other schooling/educational decisions

  • healthcare decisions

  • travel and relocation

  • sharing of additional costs

  • communication

  • new partners

  • making important life decisions in the future (‘guardianship matters’)

  • future review of, and changes to, the parenting agreement

How long does mediation take and what are the costs?

Mediation is an extremely fast alternative to litigation or lawyer-conducted negotiations. As the mediation fees are generally shared by the clients, the individual financial burden is also reduced.

How long it takes depends on the number and complexity of issues involved and, in relationship property, the complexity of the asset pool. Ultimately, the timeline is driven by you. If both clients are organised, transparent with information, and genuinely motivated to achieve a resolution, an agreement can be reached in a matter of weeks.

In very straightforward matters, one joint mediation session of between 2 to 4 hours (in addition to individual intake meetings and drafting time) may be sufficient to reach agreement. Typically, more than one joint session will be required. Where clients have completed full disclosure, full-day joint sessions can be arranged to resolve everything in one go.

I will be happy to discuss half-day (up to 4 hours) and full-day (up to 8 hours) package rates with you.

 

What does 'financial disclosure' mean?

In relationship property mediation, financial disclosure is the process whereby clients completely and honestly reveal their full financial positions to each other.

This entails providing evidence of all assets, debts, income, and liabilities, whether they are held jointly, individually, or through structures like companies and trusts. This process typically requires exchanging documents such as bank statements, tax returns, property valuations, mortgage details, and superannuation balances (including KiwiSaver).

Mediation cannot function fairly without full financial disclosure, as it ensures both clients have a transparent, accurate basis to make decisions.  Without this complete financial picture, any resulting settlement agreement risks being later overturned by a court on the grounds that it is unfair or based on hidden information.

Do we still need our own lawyers?

A relationship property agreement is not legally binding unless it complies with Section 21 of the Property (Relationships) Act 1976. This requires that you each receive independent legal advice from separate lawyers, who must witness and sign the final agreement to certify that you fully understand its implications.

Many clients find it extremely cost-effective to use mediation to reach the agreement first, and then take that agreed framework to their lawyers to be drafted into a formal, binding legal document.

For parenting arrangements, if you both want to make your parenting agreement, or aspects of it, legally binding and enforceable, you will need to submit it to the Family Court as a consent order. Having a lawyer review the document or assist you with the application ensures it is robust and clearly understood by the Court.